I have a wonderful bf now, and I just thought I'd share some dating tips-
1. BE HONEST. Everyone hears this, few actually do it. A little white lie seems innocent until it turns into a big lie & bites you in the ass. Yes, that is as painful as it sounds.
2. DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE YOURSELF. If you act like yourself around the person you're with, they'll hopefully do the same. Ok, maybe you're a dork, but what do you want to bet the person you're with is too? That's how it worked out for me.
3. DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO MAKE YOUR PARENTS LIKE YOUR GF/BF. If your parents like the person, it makes your relationship SO much easier.
4. GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE. Let your bf hang with the guys, let your gf have a girls' night, whatever. Don't always be in each other's faces or you will end up murdering each other. Seriously, space is important. If you are always hanging on each other, you will hate each other very quickly. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Constant presence makes the mind grow murderous. Don't be annoying!!!
5. DON'T BE SO AFRAID TO FIGHT THAT YOU GIVE UP THINGS. Be realistic, your bf/gf is going to make mistakes and so are you. But don't think that every mess up is ok no matter what. Some things are not ok. Cheating: not ok. If the person comes right out and tells you RIGHT AFTER and is completely honest and sorry then you can consider forgiveness. But if someone cheats they're likely to do it again. People can change, but it's like drugs or alcohol abuse- once an addict, always an addict. They will always have to fight that urge & they may not be strong enough.
6. HAVE FUN!!!! Don't be so concerned with finding a soul mate that you never have any fun in your relationships. Dating is supposed to be fun & scary as hell. Don't have too much of one of those things with none of the other.
That's all for now.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Is Love Dead?
Recently my friend and I had a funeral for love, at my request. I don't think I'm proud of it, but I know I'm not ashamed. My mind is filled with questions and I think I've sorted through and found the answers I require.
Is love dead?
Maybe, the love I felt before may be. But I can still find new love.
One shouldn't say love is dead completely, maybe they never even found it. But at least it was alive at one point. It's thriving somewhere, it needs someone to cultivate it.
But many times two people can't take care of it together, they need a different match.
Hope that helps!
Is love dead?
Maybe, the love I felt before may be. But I can still find new love.
One shouldn't say love is dead completely, maybe they never even found it. But at least it was alive at one point. It's thriving somewhere, it needs someone to cultivate it.
But many times two people can't take care of it together, they need a different match.
Hope that helps!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Break Ups
Break ups suck! There's really no other way to say it. But you can deal with it if you're willing to try.
The first thing to remember is that you shouldn't blame yourself for it. Even IF you did do something wrong, it's a learning experience and if they can't help you through it then one of you is either not ready for a relationship or you're just not right for each other. Most of the time it's the latter.
Another thing to remember is to not be all over the person every chance you get. That's how you get manipulated and embarrassed. Don't do it. It's ok to still hang out with the person IF YOU'RE COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO. But DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED TO! If they're still around you a lot it can be hard to get over them, whether you want to or not. It's ok to say you need some space to deal and then be friends again. If they can't accept that, they wouldn't be a very good friend anyway.
Be your own person, re-find yourself. You've just spent a while being half of a whole, the other person being the other half. They're ready to be a whole again or have found a different half. You could easily rebound, but be sure you can handle it. If you're constantly attached to someone you may forget who you are. You may just need to step up and be your own other half for a while. Or let your friends help you fill in the void.
DO NOT HOOKUP WITH THE PERSON JUST TO FEEL BETTER!!! If you are REALLY back together, not just talking about it, ACTUALLY BACK TOGETHER, then do whatever you're comfortable with. If not, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT HOOKUP WITH THEM! It's nice to get closeness, especially with the person you're most attached to, but it will end up being a regret and hurting way more then it helped. It will just confuse you. If it's years later and you UNDERSTAND what it would mean, then yeah, maybe you could handle a casual hookup. Though they are not necessarily advised in really any circumstance.
Hang out with friends AND yourself! It's okay to wallow in self pity for a while, but NO MORE than a couple hours to a day depending on how harsh it was. After that, go for a walk or do something that you like that makes you feel good that has nothing to do with that person. Then hang out with your buds! Nothing will make you feel better than your friends or you're hanging with the wrong people.
What I call CLEANSING! Take anything that was theirs or that reminds you of them and either pitch it, stash it, or give it back to them. If it's something that is yours that reminds you of them, wash it! And if you really want to get rid of stuff, BURN IT! Nothing gets rid of it like fire. It really is very, well- cleansing! Just be careful not to burn your face or your house, or anything else of value. If you burn your face off while burning something that reminds you of the other person, you're likely to never forget them. Same if it burns your house down...
Keep your self esteem UP! You can read my blog post on self esteem, and I have some other suggestions for what I did to boost my confidence after MY breakup. Write a list of things you LOVE about yourself, and/or things that other people LOVE about you. Fill as many pages as you can! Or take up a new hobby, I think it could make you very interesting to have a new hobby for every ex. And you'd have so much experience and talent! Start a project of some sort, something that you can easily see your progress on and pick up/put down whenever you need to. No, it does not have to be knitting a sweater... Get a pet! This might not work for EVERY breakup, especially if you go through BFs/GFs. A zoo in your house is cool, but not suggested or necessarily good for your love life. Or for your clothes, they might get smelly and even peed on. EW!
Hope that helps!
The first thing to remember is that you shouldn't blame yourself for it. Even IF you did do something wrong, it's a learning experience and if they can't help you through it then one of you is either not ready for a relationship or you're just not right for each other. Most of the time it's the latter.
Another thing to remember is to not be all over the person every chance you get. That's how you get manipulated and embarrassed. Don't do it. It's ok to still hang out with the person IF YOU'RE COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO. But DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED TO! If they're still around you a lot it can be hard to get over them, whether you want to or not. It's ok to say you need some space to deal and then be friends again. If they can't accept that, they wouldn't be a very good friend anyway.
Be your own person, re-find yourself. You've just spent a while being half of a whole, the other person being the other half. They're ready to be a whole again or have found a different half. You could easily rebound, but be sure you can handle it. If you're constantly attached to someone you may forget who you are. You may just need to step up and be your own other half for a while. Or let your friends help you fill in the void.
DO NOT HOOKUP WITH THE PERSON JUST TO FEEL BETTER!!! If you are REALLY back together, not just talking about it, ACTUALLY BACK TOGETHER, then do whatever you're comfortable with. If not, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT HOOKUP WITH THEM! It's nice to get closeness, especially with the person you're most attached to, but it will end up being a regret and hurting way more then it helped. It will just confuse you. If it's years later and you UNDERSTAND what it would mean, then yeah, maybe you could handle a casual hookup. Though they are not necessarily advised in really any circumstance.
Hang out with friends AND yourself! It's okay to wallow in self pity for a while, but NO MORE than a couple hours to a day depending on how harsh it was. After that, go for a walk or do something that you like that makes you feel good that has nothing to do with that person. Then hang out with your buds! Nothing will make you feel better than your friends or you're hanging with the wrong people.
What I call CLEANSING! Take anything that was theirs or that reminds you of them and either pitch it, stash it, or give it back to them. If it's something that is yours that reminds you of them, wash it! And if you really want to get rid of stuff, BURN IT! Nothing gets rid of it like fire. It really is very, well- cleansing! Just be careful not to burn your face or your house, or anything else of value. If you burn your face off while burning something that reminds you of the other person, you're likely to never forget them. Same if it burns your house down...
Keep your self esteem UP! You can read my blog post on self esteem, and I have some other suggestions for what I did to boost my confidence after MY breakup. Write a list of things you LOVE about yourself, and/or things that other people LOVE about you. Fill as many pages as you can! Or take up a new hobby, I think it could make you very interesting to have a new hobby for every ex. And you'd have so much experience and talent! Start a project of some sort, something that you can easily see your progress on and pick up/put down whenever you need to. No, it does not have to be knitting a sweater... Get a pet! This might not work for EVERY breakup, especially if you go through BFs/GFs. A zoo in your house is cool, but not suggested or necessarily good for your love life. Or for your clothes, they might get smelly and even peed on. EW!
Hope that helps!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Casual Hookups
What is a casual hookup? Basically, it's doing something like making out with someone you aren't dating or officially with.
You may not hear about this in your social group, or it may be all you hear about. But the fact is, they happen and as long as you don't regret them or go around sleeping with everyone you meet as if it were a handshake, it's ok. Just don't sell yourself out.
Make sure you're comfortable with what you're doing and that you both are on the same page and also that there may be emotions even if you don't feel for the person beforehand. You may think that you're going to get together and be a couple, but the other person might just be getting some closeness or even just some random, fun action that doesn't mean a thing to them.
The REALLY important thing is to make sure you're on the same page when it comes to sex. If you can't talk about it with the other person, then you shouldn't be doing it. Some people think that's harsh but it's a lot better than wishing it never happened. There are certain questions you should ask yourself and the other person.
What does this mean to you?
Are we still going to be together?
How will things change?
What if there's a pregnancy (not applicable to gay/lesbian couples)?
Have you been with anyone else?
Have you been tested for STD's?
Do you have an STD or STI?
Don't EVER skip the conversation because it might be "awkward". If you aren't comfortable enough with this person to find out EXACTLY what is happening and will happen, then they are not the person you should be having sexual intercourse with.
There is a difference between "fucking/boinking", "sexual intercourse", and "making love".
"Fucking/boinking" is sex that really doesn't mean anything or a crude term for sex. This includes all the crude terms for sex you can think of. Boinking just sounds funny to me.
"Sexual intercourse" is the mechanical side of it. The scientific term for it and the link between "fucking/boinking" and "making love".
"Making love" is when you have a real connection with the person and is used to express feelings and connect.
Sex will not necessarily make a relationship stronger. NEVER have sex so that the person won't leave you. If that is what you're considering, get some damn self confidence! You can read my post on self esteem to get you started.
Good luck!
Questions? Comments? Post or email me at Porcelain_girl_melissa@yahoo.com
You may not hear about this in your social group, or it may be all you hear about. But the fact is, they happen and as long as you don't regret them or go around sleeping with everyone you meet as if it were a handshake, it's ok. Just don't sell yourself out.
Make sure you're comfortable with what you're doing and that you both are on the same page and also that there may be emotions even if you don't feel for the person beforehand. You may think that you're going to get together and be a couple, but the other person might just be getting some closeness or even just some random, fun action that doesn't mean a thing to them.
The REALLY important thing is to make sure you're on the same page when it comes to sex. If you can't talk about it with the other person, then you shouldn't be doing it. Some people think that's harsh but it's a lot better than wishing it never happened. There are certain questions you should ask yourself and the other person.
What does this mean to you?
Are we still going to be together?
How will things change?
What if there's a pregnancy (not applicable to gay/lesbian couples)?
Have you been with anyone else?
Have you been tested for STD's?
Do you have an STD or STI?
Don't EVER skip the conversation because it might be "awkward". If you aren't comfortable enough with this person to find out EXACTLY what is happening and will happen, then they are not the person you should be having sexual intercourse with.
There is a difference between "fucking/boinking", "sexual intercourse", and "making love".
"Fucking/boinking" is sex that really doesn't mean anything or a crude term for sex. This includes all the crude terms for sex you can think of. Boinking just sounds funny to me.
"Sexual intercourse" is the mechanical side of it. The scientific term for it and the link between "fucking/boinking" and "making love".
"Making love" is when you have a real connection with the person and is used to express feelings and connect.
Sex will not necessarily make a relationship stronger. NEVER have sex so that the person won't leave you. If that is what you're considering, get some damn self confidence! You can read my post on self esteem to get you started.
Good luck!
Questions? Comments? Post or email me at Porcelain_girl_melissa@yahoo.com
Monday, February 21, 2011
"How Do You Talk to a Hot Guy Without Flipping Out??"
A friend of mine (we shall call her Turtle here) asked me "How do you talk to a hot guy without flipping out?? I just want to stop rambling in front of drop dead gorgeous guys."
Well, Turtle, here are the basics-
1. Think before you speak! Don't be afraid to talk but make sure there's some sort of filter. The guy might think you're hilarious but awkward, or maybe just the latter, maybe even just the former. Anyways, when he says something, consider what he might think about what you'll say. Start out with stuff that's not super risky. Flirt a little even. Flattery normally works (if they're not super paranoid and freaky). Just don't be cheesy and fake. Mean what you say. Once you get a little more comfortable with him talk more, say more, be a little less shy and if you start knowing him really well just GO BOLD!
2. While thinking about what to say, make sure there are not awkward pauses. If you're talking and he says, "So, Turtle, do you like sports?" or something like that and you take about three minutes, he's going to think you're either a) not enjoying his company, b) really, really slow, or c) not able to converse properly (you're socially awkward and therefore not a viable candidate for the dating process). Process the information you're given, but don't take more than a few seconds. If you can keep up in a conversation (and if he's worth anything) he'll love how smart you are. You don't have to be a genius to talk, you just have to be somewhat creative.
3. Treat him like a friend. Don't be scared to get caught in the friend zone. Some guys will not date someone they consider a friend but some will. And if a guy feels comfortable with you he's more likely to want to date (or just hang out with) you. You shouldn't be scared, if you have to- just pretend he's some friend of yours that you could like but also could just be content staying friends with. Don't put pressure on yourself to make him love you. Love comes with time and an amazing friendship can turn into more or even just be worth more. By the way, just being friends with a guy can lead to meeting more guys which gives you a higher chance of finding a guy worth your time.
4. JUST HAVE FUN! If you have to constantly worry about how you look or talk or what he might be thinking then you either have self confidence issues (see first post) or you're not comfortable with him. If you can't be comfortable with a guy then you cannot be a friend to or date him. Don't ever let yourself get stuck with a guy you are not comfortable with. Your instincts and intuition have a tendancy to be right. When you get the wiggins (yes I just used that word) it means GET OUT OF THERE! Don't think you're being weird or stupid, trust your feelings. If something feels right, go for it; if it feels wrong, get away from it or approach with caution.
A sidenote: Don't let the guy treat you like crap cause he's frikkin hot! No guy has the right to treat you badly. If he's blatantly rude and disrespectful, KICK HIM TO THE CURB! If his teasing bothers you, tell him (once again, you have to be comfortable enough to talk to him or he's not worth it). And if he tells you to get plastic surgery (like a boob job) KICK HIM IN THE FACE! and tell him to get his own damn boob job! Don't ever do something like that for another person. Do things for youself, not for others. People don't decide you, you do.
Hope that helps, Turtle!
Have a question? Need some advice? Post on the blog or email me at Porcelain_girl_melissa@yahoo.com
I'm happy to help privately or on the blog, just specify.
Thanks so much for reading!
Well, Turtle, here are the basics-
1. Think before you speak! Don't be afraid to talk but make sure there's some sort of filter. The guy might think you're hilarious but awkward, or maybe just the latter, maybe even just the former. Anyways, when he says something, consider what he might think about what you'll say. Start out with stuff that's not super risky. Flirt a little even. Flattery normally works (if they're not super paranoid and freaky). Just don't be cheesy and fake. Mean what you say. Once you get a little more comfortable with him talk more, say more, be a little less shy and if you start knowing him really well just GO BOLD!
2. While thinking about what to say, make sure there are not awkward pauses. If you're talking and he says, "So, Turtle, do you like sports?" or something like that and you take about three minutes, he's going to think you're either a) not enjoying his company, b) really, really slow, or c) not able to converse properly (you're socially awkward and therefore not a viable candidate for the dating process). Process the information you're given, but don't take more than a few seconds. If you can keep up in a conversation (and if he's worth anything) he'll love how smart you are. You don't have to be a genius to talk, you just have to be somewhat creative.
3. Treat him like a friend. Don't be scared to get caught in the friend zone. Some guys will not date someone they consider a friend but some will. And if a guy feels comfortable with you he's more likely to want to date (or just hang out with) you. You shouldn't be scared, if you have to- just pretend he's some friend of yours that you could like but also could just be content staying friends with. Don't put pressure on yourself to make him love you. Love comes with time and an amazing friendship can turn into more or even just be worth more. By the way, just being friends with a guy can lead to meeting more guys which gives you a higher chance of finding a guy worth your time.
4. JUST HAVE FUN! If you have to constantly worry about how you look or talk or what he might be thinking then you either have self confidence issues (see first post) or you're not comfortable with him. If you can't be comfortable with a guy then you cannot be a friend to or date him. Don't ever let yourself get stuck with a guy you are not comfortable with. Your instincts and intuition have a tendancy to be right. When you get the wiggins (yes I just used that word) it means GET OUT OF THERE! Don't think you're being weird or stupid, trust your feelings. If something feels right, go for it; if it feels wrong, get away from it or approach with caution.
A sidenote: Don't let the guy treat you like crap cause he's frikkin hot! No guy has the right to treat you badly. If he's blatantly rude and disrespectful, KICK HIM TO THE CURB! If his teasing bothers you, tell him (once again, you have to be comfortable enough to talk to him or he's not worth it). And if he tells you to get plastic surgery (like a boob job) KICK HIM IN THE FACE! and tell him to get his own damn boob job! Don't ever do something like that for another person. Do things for youself, not for others. People don't decide you, you do.
Hope that helps, Turtle!
Have a question? Need some advice? Post on the blog or email me at Porcelain_girl_melissa@yahoo.com
I'm happy to help privately or on the blog, just specify.
Thanks so much for reading!
Self Esteem
The biggest issue I see in EVERYONE right now is low self esteem. The first solution I suggest is writing on your mirror something along the lines of "You're f***ing awesome!" but not everyone has this option. So instead I'll give a list of good things to do:
1. Indulge every once in a while.
I'm not saying you should gorge yourself or anything, but buying that dress or eating something special is good once in a while. You have to do things for yourself because it makes you feel good about yourself. Treat yourself like you are worth every penny, because you are!
2. Take teasing as a compliment.
If someone gives you a hard time it could be because they think you're awesome and either want to give you lots of attention and make you laugh or are jealous. Either way, it's a good thing. And laughing when you mess up is so awesome! Take yourself seriously, but realize that you're a person and as a person you're going to do stupid/silly things and laughing it off is the best way to deal.
3. On that note, don't take crap.
When someone is seriously harrassing or bullying you, stand up for yourself! Don't ever think that you deserve it! No one deserves that except the people that do it. You are way too good to take crap from someone who most likely/definitely does not know what they are talking about!
4. Don't be afraid to go for what you want.
Don't ever let yourself believe that you won't be able to get something you really, truly want. If you like someone, talk to them. If you want to try out for something, do it. If you want to run for something, do it. Just go for it! Don't ever be afraid of not reaching your goals. The only sure-fire way to not reach your goal is to not try. You should be realistic but not pessimistic.
5. Don't listen to negative comments.
Don't get confused between constructive critisism and just plain insult. If someone is genually trying to help you and is offering help, it's constructive critisism. If they are just saying negative things with no real point to it, it's an insult. Sometimes people don't even mean to be insulting you, but they are. And a lot of the time you'll say them to yourself without any prompt from someone else. You'll look in the mirror and say "Oh my god! I gained like three pounds!" when in reality if you did you probably wouldn't be able to tell. Stuff that gets into your head can hurt you badly. Not just mentally and emotionally, physically too. It can cause eating disorders and even stuff like hairloss and death at an early age. Not good.
Hope that helps! Remember, even the people that seem to have self confidence falling out their butts (ew!) have their moments of doubt. Just make sure you climb out of your self doubt and do your best not to fall back in.
1. Indulge every once in a while.
I'm not saying you should gorge yourself or anything, but buying that dress or eating something special is good once in a while. You have to do things for yourself because it makes you feel good about yourself. Treat yourself like you are worth every penny, because you are!
2. Take teasing as a compliment.
If someone gives you a hard time it could be because they think you're awesome and either want to give you lots of attention and make you laugh or are jealous. Either way, it's a good thing. And laughing when you mess up is so awesome! Take yourself seriously, but realize that you're a person and as a person you're going to do stupid/silly things and laughing it off is the best way to deal.
3. On that note, don't take crap.
When someone is seriously harrassing or bullying you, stand up for yourself! Don't ever think that you deserve it! No one deserves that except the people that do it. You are way too good to take crap from someone who most likely/definitely does not know what they are talking about!
4. Don't be afraid to go for what you want.
Don't ever let yourself believe that you won't be able to get something you really, truly want. If you like someone, talk to them. If you want to try out for something, do it. If you want to run for something, do it. Just go for it! Don't ever be afraid of not reaching your goals. The only sure-fire way to not reach your goal is to not try. You should be realistic but not pessimistic.
5. Don't listen to negative comments.
Don't get confused between constructive critisism and just plain insult. If someone is genually trying to help you and is offering help, it's constructive critisism. If they are just saying negative things with no real point to it, it's an insult. Sometimes people don't even mean to be insulting you, but they are. And a lot of the time you'll say them to yourself without any prompt from someone else. You'll look in the mirror and say "Oh my god! I gained like three pounds!" when in reality if you did you probably wouldn't be able to tell. Stuff that gets into your head can hurt you badly. Not just mentally and emotionally, physically too. It can cause eating disorders and even stuff like hairloss and death at an early age. Not good.
Hope that helps! Remember, even the people that seem to have self confidence falling out their butts (ew!) have their moments of doubt. Just make sure you climb out of your self doubt and do your best not to fall back in.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)