Break Ups

Break ups suck! There's really no other way to say it. But you can deal with it if you're willing to try.
     The first thing to remember is that you shouldn't blame yourself for it. Even IF you did do something wrong, it's a learning experience and if they can't help you through it then one of you is either not ready for a relationship or you're just not right for each other. Most of the time it's the latter.
     Another thing to remember is to not be all over the person every chance you get. That's how you get manipulated and embarrassed. Don't do it. It's ok to still hang out with the person IF YOU'RE COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO. But DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED TO! If they're still around you a lot it can be hard to get over them, whether you want to or not. It's ok to say you need some space to deal and then be friends again. If they can't accept that, they wouldn't be a very good friend anyway.
     Be your own person, re-find yourself. You've just spent a while being half of a whole, the other person being the other half. They're ready to be a whole again or have found a different half. You could easily rebound, but be sure you can handle it. If you're constantly attached to someone you may forget who you are. You may just need to step up and be your own other half for a while. Or let your friends help you fill in the void.
     DO NOT HOOKUP WITH THE PERSON JUST TO FEEL BETTER!!! If you are REALLY back together, not just talking about it, ACTUALLY BACK TOGETHER, then do whatever you're comfortable with. If not, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT HOOKUP WITH THEM! It's nice to get closeness, especially with the person you're most attached to, but it will end up being a regret and hurting way more then it helped. It will just confuse you. If it's years later and you UNDERSTAND what it would mean, then yeah, maybe you could handle a casual hookup. Though they are not necessarily advised in really any circumstance.
    Hang out with friends AND yourself! It's okay to wallow in self pity for a while, but NO MORE than a couple hours to a day depending on how harsh it was. After that, go for a walk or do something that you like that makes you feel good that has nothing to do with that person. Then hang out with your buds! Nothing will make you feel better than your friends or you're hanging with the wrong people.
     What I call CLEANSING! Take anything that was theirs or that reminds you of them and either pitch it, stash it, or give it back to them. If it's something that is yours that reminds you of them, wash it! And if you really want to get rid of stuff, BURN IT! Nothing gets rid of it like fire. It really is very, well- cleansing! Just be careful not to burn your face or your house, or anything else of value. If you burn your face off while burning something that reminds you of the other person, you're likely to never forget them. Same if it burns your house down...
     Keep your self esteem UP! You can read my blog post on self esteem, and I have some other suggestions for what I did to boost my confidence after MY breakup. Write a list of things you LOVE about yourself, and/or things that other people LOVE about you. Fill as many pages as you can! Or take up a new hobby, I think it could make you very interesting to have a new hobby for every ex. And you'd have so much experience and talent! Start a project of some sort, something that you can easily see your progress on and pick up/put down whenever you need to. No, it does not have to be knitting a sweater... Get a pet! This might not work for EVERY breakup, especially if you go through BFs/GFs. A zoo in your house is cool, but not suggested or necessarily good for your love life. Or for your clothes, they might get smelly and even peed on. EW!
     Hope that helps!

Casual Hookups

What is a casual hookup? Basically, it's doing something like making out with someone you aren't dating or officially with.
You may not hear about this in your social group, or it may be all you hear about. But the fact is, they happen and as long as you don't regret them or go around sleeping with everyone you meet as if it were a handshake, it's ok. Just don't sell yourself out.
Make sure you're comfortable with what you're doing and that you both are on the same page and also that there may be emotions even if you don't feel for the person beforehand. You may think that you're going to get together and be a couple, but the other person might just be getting some closeness or even just some random, fun action that doesn't mean a thing to them.
The REALLY important thing is to make sure you're on the same page when it comes to sex. If you can't talk about it with the other person, then you shouldn't be doing it. Some people think that's harsh but it's a lot better than wishing it never happened. There are certain questions you should ask yourself and the other person.
What does this mean to you?
Are we still going to be together?
How will things change?
What if there's a pregnancy (not applicable to gay/lesbian couples)?
Have you been with anyone else?
Have you been tested for STD's?
Do you have an STD or STI?
Don't EVER skip the conversation because it might be "awkward". If you aren't comfortable enough with this person to find out EXACTLY what is happening and will happen, then they are not the person you should be having sexual intercourse with.
There is a difference between "fucking/boinking", "sexual intercourse", and "making love".
"Fucking/boinking" is sex that really doesn't mean anything or a crude term for sex. This includes all the crude terms for sex you can think of. Boinking just sounds funny to me.
"Sexual intercourse" is the mechanical side of it. The scientific term for it and the link between "fucking/boinking" and "making love".
"Making love" is when you have a real connection with the person and is used to express feelings and connect.
Sex will not necessarily make a relationship stronger. NEVER have sex so that the person won't leave you. If that is what you're considering, get some damn self confidence! You can read my post on self esteem to get you started.

Good luck!
Questions? Comments? Post or email  me at Porcelain_girl_melissa@yahoo.com