A friend of mine (we shall call her Turtle here) asked me "How do you talk to a hot guy without flipping out?? I just want to stop rambling in front of drop dead gorgeous guys."
Well, Turtle, here are the basics-
1. Think before you speak! Don't be afraid to talk but make sure there's some sort of filter. The guy might think you're hilarious but awkward, or maybe just the latter, maybe even just the former. Anyways, when he says something, consider what he might think about what you'll say. Start out with stuff that's not super risky. Flirt a little even. Flattery normally works (if they're not super paranoid and freaky). Just don't be cheesy and fake. Mean what you say. Once you get a little more comfortable with him talk more, say more, be a little less shy and if you start knowing him really well just GO BOLD!
2. While thinking about what to say, make sure there are not awkward pauses. If you're talking and he says, "So, Turtle, do you like sports?" or something like that and you take about three minutes, he's going to think you're either a) not enjoying his company, b) really, really slow, or c) not able to converse properly (you're socially awkward and therefore not a viable candidate for the dating process). Process the information you're given, but don't take more than a few seconds. If you can keep up in a conversation (and if he's worth anything) he'll love how smart you are. You don't have to be a genius to talk, you just have to be somewhat creative.
3. Treat him like a friend. Don't be scared to get caught in the friend zone. Some guys will not date someone they consider a friend but some will. And if a guy feels comfortable with you he's more likely to want to date (or just hang out with) you. You shouldn't be scared, if you have to- just pretend he's some friend of yours that you could like but also could just be content staying friends with. Don't put pressure on yourself to make him love you. Love comes with time and an amazing friendship can turn into more or even just be worth more. By the way, just being friends with a guy can lead to meeting more guys which gives you a higher chance of finding a guy worth your time.
4. JUST HAVE FUN! If you have to constantly worry about how you look or talk or what he might be thinking then you either have self confidence issues (see first post) or you're not comfortable with him. If you can't be comfortable with a guy then you cannot be a friend to or date him. Don't ever let yourself get stuck with a guy you are not comfortable with. Your instincts and intuition have a tendancy to be right. When you get the wiggins (yes I just used that word) it means GET OUT OF THERE! Don't think you're being weird or stupid, trust your feelings. If something feels right, go for it; if it feels wrong, get away from it or approach with caution.
A sidenote: Don't let the guy treat you like crap cause he's frikkin hot! No guy has the right to treat you badly. If he's blatantly rude and disrespectful, KICK HIM TO THE CURB! If his teasing bothers you, tell him (once again, you have to be comfortable enough to talk to him or he's not worth it). And if he tells you to get plastic surgery (like a boob job) KICK HIM IN THE FACE! and tell him to get his own damn boob job! Don't ever do something like that for another person. Do things for youself, not for others. People don't decide you, you do.
Hope that helps, Turtle!
Have a question? Need some advice? Post on the blog or email me at Porcelain_girl_melissa@yahoo.com
I'm happy to help privately or on the blog, just specify.
Thanks so much for reading!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Self Esteem
The biggest issue I see in EVERYONE right now is low self esteem. The first solution I suggest is writing on your mirror something along the lines of "You're f***ing awesome!" but not everyone has this option. So instead I'll give a list of good things to do:
1. Indulge every once in a while.
I'm not saying you should gorge yourself or anything, but buying that dress or eating something special is good once in a while. You have to do things for yourself because it makes you feel good about yourself. Treat yourself like you are worth every penny, because you are!
2. Take teasing as a compliment.
If someone gives you a hard time it could be because they think you're awesome and either want to give you lots of attention and make you laugh or are jealous. Either way, it's a good thing. And laughing when you mess up is so awesome! Take yourself seriously, but realize that you're a person and as a person you're going to do stupid/silly things and laughing it off is the best way to deal.
3. On that note, don't take crap.
When someone is seriously harrassing or bullying you, stand up for yourself! Don't ever think that you deserve it! No one deserves that except the people that do it. You are way too good to take crap from someone who most likely/definitely does not know what they are talking about!
4. Don't be afraid to go for what you want.
Don't ever let yourself believe that you won't be able to get something you really, truly want. If you like someone, talk to them. If you want to try out for something, do it. If you want to run for something, do it. Just go for it! Don't ever be afraid of not reaching your goals. The only sure-fire way to not reach your goal is to not try. You should be realistic but not pessimistic.
5. Don't listen to negative comments.
Don't get confused between constructive critisism and just plain insult. If someone is genually trying to help you and is offering help, it's constructive critisism. If they are just saying negative things with no real point to it, it's an insult. Sometimes people don't even mean to be insulting you, but they are. And a lot of the time you'll say them to yourself without any prompt from someone else. You'll look in the mirror and say "Oh my god! I gained like three pounds!" when in reality if you did you probably wouldn't be able to tell. Stuff that gets into your head can hurt you badly. Not just mentally and emotionally, physically too. It can cause eating disorders and even stuff like hairloss and death at an early age. Not good.
Hope that helps! Remember, even the people that seem to have self confidence falling out their butts (ew!) have their moments of doubt. Just make sure you climb out of your self doubt and do your best not to fall back in.
1. Indulge every once in a while.
I'm not saying you should gorge yourself or anything, but buying that dress or eating something special is good once in a while. You have to do things for yourself because it makes you feel good about yourself. Treat yourself like you are worth every penny, because you are!
2. Take teasing as a compliment.
If someone gives you a hard time it could be because they think you're awesome and either want to give you lots of attention and make you laugh or are jealous. Either way, it's a good thing. And laughing when you mess up is so awesome! Take yourself seriously, but realize that you're a person and as a person you're going to do stupid/silly things and laughing it off is the best way to deal.
3. On that note, don't take crap.
When someone is seriously harrassing or bullying you, stand up for yourself! Don't ever think that you deserve it! No one deserves that except the people that do it. You are way too good to take crap from someone who most likely/definitely does not know what they are talking about!
4. Don't be afraid to go for what you want.
Don't ever let yourself believe that you won't be able to get something you really, truly want. If you like someone, talk to them. If you want to try out for something, do it. If you want to run for something, do it. Just go for it! Don't ever be afraid of not reaching your goals. The only sure-fire way to not reach your goal is to not try. You should be realistic but not pessimistic.
5. Don't listen to negative comments.
Don't get confused between constructive critisism and just plain insult. If someone is genually trying to help you and is offering help, it's constructive critisism. If they are just saying negative things with no real point to it, it's an insult. Sometimes people don't even mean to be insulting you, but they are. And a lot of the time you'll say them to yourself without any prompt from someone else. You'll look in the mirror and say "Oh my god! I gained like three pounds!" when in reality if you did you probably wouldn't be able to tell. Stuff that gets into your head can hurt you badly. Not just mentally and emotionally, physically too. It can cause eating disorders and even stuff like hairloss and death at an early age. Not good.
Hope that helps! Remember, even the people that seem to have self confidence falling out their butts (ew!) have their moments of doubt. Just make sure you climb out of your self doubt and do your best not to fall back in.
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